Finding Love

Step 1: Get a pen and paper, whiteboard, or notebook on your device, and write down the 10 qualities that are most important to you in a partner. And remember, this is to help you move forward, so no cheating! For example, “attractive, tall, green eyes, black hair, athletic” does not count as one quality but 5. And “kind, generous, loyal” is 3 qualities, not 1. Take your time writing down the 10 qualities. These are the 10 qualities that you want more than any others, so again, no cheating. Keep it to 10.

Step 2: Now, scan this list of 10 qualities that you have written down. Think about how you feel about these qualities. Then be very strong and let go of 5 of them. Yes, I know this can be hard, but do it anyway. There is a reason for that. This leaves you with 5 qualities that are the most important of all to you in a partner.

Step 3: OK, now for the really interesting part. Cut the list down to 3 qualities and no more. Take your time, you can experiment with it, think how you feel, and look at the list until you have whittled it down to 3 qualities. These are the qualities that are important for you in a partner. This focuses your attention, and it is said that we can usually only find a partner that satisfies 3 qualities that are important to us. For example, if it is “Honest, Loyal, and Black-haired”, then you know not to waste time on dishonest people (do they cheat on their tax, or tell lies in social groups in order to make themselves seem more interesting?), disloyal people (are they disloyal to their employer or cheated on their partner, for example?), or people with blond hair (because that would not keep your interest looks-wise long-term). Of course, these are just 3 qualities I plucked out of thin air with no prejudice to blond, red, brown, black, or bald-haired amazing partners but you get the idea.