Monthly Archives: August 2017

Assess a Long Distance Relationship

The Challenges

  • If you are an insecure, anxious, needy or jealous person, then a long distance relationship is likely not for you. Until you learn to love yourself enough to not worry about what your partner is doing, and to take loving care of your own feelings, it will likely be very stressful for you.
  • If you are an extroverted person who regenerates with your partner and with others, not seeing your partner on a daily basis might be very hard for you, especially if you are a stay-at-home parent or you work at a job where you don’t have much interaction with others.
  • If you are a working mother or father, or you have a number of young children, it may be quite challenging for you to not have the help of your partner.
  • If consistent, daily in-person connection and affection is important to you, then a long distance lifestyle would not work well for you.

The Positives

  • If you are a more introverted person who needs a lot of time alone to regenerate, it might work well for you to not be with a partner on a daily basis.
  • If you or your partner are both very busy, achievement-oriented people, getting together on weekends or even once a month for a weekend might be a lifestyle that works for you.
  • If both you and your partner love your time alone, then a long distance relationship might be ideal for you.
  • If the two of you love each other but you often trigger each other in ways that lead to distance or conflict, then not seeing each other as much might be just the thing that saves your relationship.
  • If you love to travel and you are a very social person who makes friends wherever you go, and your partner is a quieter stay-at-home person, you might find that you each get your needs met through a long distance relationship.
  • If you tend to be a person who gives yourself up a lot and has a fear of engulfment, you might feel much safer in a long distance relationship.

Sometimes people who live in different cities meet one another and thoroughly enjoy their relationship – as long as they live apart. But fears of engulfment might get triggered if they make plans to live together.

Creating a Positive Long Distance Relationship

Relationships can be hard, but long-distance relationships bring a new meaning to the idea of what is hard in the relationship. The emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical needs of the relationship must be fulfilled in alternative ways. Long-distance relationships can be successful when they are cultivated on the art of communication and trust between the partners. Prioritizing your goals with your partner and speaking with them and making it known to others how you feel about them can help intensify your relationship.

Keep your Skype or phone call dates. Cancelling on your partner might imply to them, they are an afterthought or just an alternative if nothing better is going on. Keep your scheduled Skype/phone calls as you would a date. Make sure you inform your friends or family of your plans to spend the evening talking to your partner and that you are unavailable at that time. If you need to cancel for an emergency, let your partner know so they don’t feel stood up.

Communicate about anything and everything. Be honest about how you are feeling, share what you are passionate about and what activities you are currently involved in. Talk to your partner with video chat, instant messenger, email. Write an old fashioned letter to your lover as a surprise or a romantic gesture. Send your partner little gifts in the mail you think they would enjoy. It is the little things that let them know you are thinking of them during your everyday when you are apart.

Visit each other and never cancel them unless it is an emergency. Refusing to commit to an agreed visit or cancelling on your partner for alternative vacation can cause irrevocable damage. By staying committed to your visits, you will demonstrate to your partner your desire to be with them on an everyday basis in the future. If you no longer feel the relationship is working out or have some fear about visiting, discuss this issue with your partner instead of cancelling on them and lying about the reason. Resolving these issues can help you reevaluate and strengthen your relationship.

Pros And Cons Of Long Distance Relationships

As an optimistic, I will start with the pros or long distance relationships:

  • You miss your partner – couples that live together often have one problem. They do not have time to miss each other due to the fact that they barely get alone time. They constantly see each other and sometimes this can drive you nuts. In a long distance relationship you get to miss your partner, his smell, smile, touch and many things.
  • You get alone time – despite contrary beliefs, me time is very important. In a relationship and outside of it as well. You get time to relax, do the things you love, go out with friends, stay with your family, study or simply watch a movie or a TV show that you love.
  • It’s a constant honeymoon – people who are in a long distance relationship know what I am talking about. While spending time with yourself is important, when you get the chance of meeting your partner is a constant honeymoon. You drink wine together and have long romantic evenings, you go out more for walks in the park. And not to mention that sex is better.

But there are also cons when you are having a long distance relationship:

  • Distance – ironic huh? But distance is your biggest enemy. You see your partner not as often as you would like and that can be frustrating sometimes. Especially when you hear your friends that they have a date on Friday and you know the only thing you have a date with is your laptop. Also you might feel like he can’t be there for you, especially through the dark periods of your relationship, because you only see his face, but he can’t hug you.
  • Tech is your best friend – as we do not spend enough time on our phones, a long distance relationship is based mostly on tech. You Skype, Facebook or text all through the day in order to communicate with your partner.
  • Things can get heated – if you are a rather jealous person you might get a little out of your mind in a long distance relationship. Mostly because you want to keep tabs on your boyfriend and if he is some miles away, you can’t.

Despite what people believe long distance relationship do work. But they work only if the two partners are fully committed and ready to make it work. Face to face relationships have hiccups sometimes, let alone the long distance ones. But if you are ready to make it work, compromise and understand that this situation will not last forever, your relationship will hold on. And to be fair, it is always nice to know you have someone waiting for you at the train station when you arrive.

Find a Penfriend

Finding a snail mail pen friend used to be quite straight forward. All one had to do was to check out the personal columns of news papers and magazines and write to any pen pal clubs who had their adverts there but the internet changed all that. People deserted snail mail pen friend clubs in favour of internet dating sites however there are people who are not computer savvy or prefer to correspond with others the old-fashioned way, the advantages of this are the dangers of internet dating compared with correspondence by letter. The most obvious answer to that is to do a Google search of pen friend clubs. I know that may sound contradictory to my earlier statements but some snail mail pen friend clubs have gone online but have still retained a snail mail option. Some safe guards need to be put in place when making any initial contact online and that includes not using an email address in any ads you place or set up a separate email address for the sole purpose of finding a pen pal.

Writing to the editors of overseas newspapers is another way to find some pen friends. Again you can do a Google search to find the addresses of local newspapers in the areas where you would like to make new friends. This can result in some enquiries. Another option is that you can make the initial contact through dating sites but request in your profile that you are seeking snail mail pen friends. There will be a certain number of people who prefer contact in this way.

I first began writing to pen pals in 1985 after noticing an ad for a pen pal club in a British magazine and ended up subscribing to their contact magazine. Most of the ads in the magazine were from the United Kingdom. I wrote to several who advertised but my biggest responses came when I placed my own ad in the magazine. I got up to around 30 replies from some of the ads I placed and some I clicked with and got around to meeting up with them when I travelled over to the United Kingdom. Other people who have began writing as pen pals ended up being married to them whether that was their intention or not. It just shows you that a fascinating hobby such as writing to pen pals can have a major impact of where your life goes.